Do I get sick of it or what?! I mentioned I’m working on a micro-enterprise, a way maybe to drag myself up by the bootstraps. Limited financial resources, to say the least, penny by penny you get the gear needed by cutting out the once-a-week coffee at a local cafe, only buy food you need, watch films on Youtube rather than go out. Stay in a house like a prisoner. You try to make the micro-enterprise fun, not take it too seriously and think positive that this time, it will work and years of scraping for every last dollar and as happened after I returned from what could have been that one last trip overseas, you decide to continue but homeless you have no choice but to live in a tent until one of few courageous enough to be a friend and after a few years, says you’re too old to be out in the cold and offers you a place to sleep. You hope that effort and determination to live will be rewarded and finally, something will go right and the loneliness and the spiritual and material emptiness will come to an end.
What makes it even harder is when you were wrongfully made a criminal to your own community, made one amongst the most despised, and so intimacy, friendship and even family relations are impossible and if not, are damaged beyond repair. When people throw mud at you, some of it always sticks.
But maybe it is because of that injustice that you continue, keeping in mind that success is the best revenge, and that when an injustice is committed there is an imbalance created in the Universe which it will not tolerate. Success can simply be that you are not dead. God knows how much you no longer fear death but would in fact welcome it but he, or the Universe if you are an atheist, speaks to you if you are open to listen. I remember in 2009 been in a tiny holding cell with a young Muslim and who listening to my complaints and self-pity as we sat waiting to appear for a bail hearing said, “Brother, God, the Universe, is love and what is happening to you now is what God wanted for you now, you don’t understand it but one day you will understand”. I wish him well and hope his life turned around just as I do others I met during the weeks I was locked up before been granted bail. Jim the Hells Angel, my cell mate Gazza who was facing years for armed robbery, the young chap I called ‘bomb boy’ and the many others whom I also pray God may have found.
Trying to make something of a life that was destroyed. I accept my fair share of blame but as my Iranian friend said, it had to happen even if I can’t as yet see the reason. Or is it obvious and I still just shy away from that reality? Surely meeting all these people, listening to their stories including that of Gazza who then in his mid-thirties told me when I asked about the tattoos covering the burn scars all over his body, how a rival gang had grabbed him in the street when he was fifteen, doused him with petrol and set him alight. Experiencing their fear, their sense of social rejection, I’ve mentioned here a second book. Maybe it will help others who find themselves in a dark place. But before that book can be written and I more often than not feel I’m not up to the task of writing it, I need to survive a while longer.
Anyway – enough of all that for now and getting back to this micro printing business, I just about have all that is required to start experimenting with screen-printing techniques that for sure will produce items that all humanity will want to possess. Let’s think positive. As in LOL. The keywords were ‘just about’ because and remember the bike trailer that in the end had simply disappeared as did a number of other items ordered online? Well, this time it’s a heat press listed on ebay as from the USA but turned out to be from China and from where it did make it’s way to the Australian east coast but was then accidentally sent to the other side of the continent, Perth, from where it was sent back to Sydney and according to the ‘ Asia Pacific’s premium integrated (?!) transport and logistics company’ – their claim – still had a ‘Perth’ sticker on it and so was sent back to Perth where it now lies waiting to be returned to Sydney and this time not by truck but by airfreight they said after I got very loud on the phone and using language learned in prison, with their ‘freight investigators’. All up and given roughly a distance of 4.5 thousand kilometres across the continent, this press has made an 18 thousand kilometre detour before landing, possibly because no sign of it yet, on my doorstep.
Can anything go right? Yesterday I couldn’t access the photography site and not the first time that has happened either. The tech people in Iceland where it’s hosted were great as always and said it was a problem with the server but it’s the same site that was hacked in April and it has been under constant attack since and even this blog was attacked 20,600 times just last month. LOL I must be upsetting many and the fight goes on.
Blessings to all.
Correction from last post. The government has decided on calling their new super police and intelligence ministry ‘Home Affairs” and not “Home Security”. For sure ‘Affairs’ sounds really serious.
Also – noticed these past weeks that I’m not even getting the usual spam in my comments folder. What that means is that if you sent a comment lately and I haven’t approuved it, the reason is I didn’t get it because maybe the firewall is doing it’s job a bit too well? Who knows with all this tech rubbish?